What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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