opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
