drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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