you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We need to get me chipped asap
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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