I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
