the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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