It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
