I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
