This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
