i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
