The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
