I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
