I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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