even my farts smell like vagina
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
