I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
