I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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