yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
