I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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