Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
