Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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