zippers are such a cool invention
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
