if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize