We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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