That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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