Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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