I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
