Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My pussy is not your playground.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
