i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
