I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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