Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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