yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
