At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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