my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
