If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
