There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
