Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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