addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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