dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
