Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
