remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
