what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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