whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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