im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
