I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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