i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
