She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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