chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My ass is underappreciated
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
