some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
