i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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