That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize