Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
