Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
