Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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