so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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