U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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