I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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