Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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