Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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