The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We talked him into tasing himself.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Randomize
