he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize