A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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