i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
