Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
