You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
