last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
