Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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