Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
