chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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