So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
