I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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