"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
