Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
