sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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