How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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