this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
