Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
