i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
