talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
People with herpes should wear stickers.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize